Report card

Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?"
Son: "I don't have it."
Dad: "Why?"
Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."

What book has helped you the most?

Teacher: "Which book has helped you the most in your life?"
Student: "My father's check book!"

Kidnapping

Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: It's okay. He woke up.

Only one who answered

One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?" He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?" Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?'"

Cherry Hill

The bell rang for school to start and John walked in late. Mr. Clark asked, "John, why are you late?"

He replied, "I was on Cherry Hill."Then he sat down.

Ten minutes later Nathan walked in late and Mr. Clark repeated, "Why are you late?"

Nathan answered, "I was on top of Cherry Hill."

Five minutes later Kevin walked in late and Mr. Clark said to him, "Kevin, where have you been?"

Kevin replied, "I was on Cherry Hill."

Ten minutes later a girl walked in the classroom and Mr. Clark asked, "Hi there, what's your name?" The girl replied, "Cherry Hill."

Seven cats

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

1773

A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."

Multi-syllable words

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

My parents hated me

I could tell that my parents hated me. 

My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Hookers and drug dealers

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

The hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

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